Don't Tell the Girls

Don't Tell the Girls: A Family Memoir
By: Patricia Reilly Giff
Copyright: 2005

In this delightfully written memoir, the author explores both her own personal history, the history of her grandmother, Anna, AKA Princess Anne V., and the history of the grandmother she never knew, Jeannie. The book takes the reader right through the process of trying to find historical data long ago forgotten, adding in bits of historical events and personal memories along the way.

This is probably one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Patricia Reilly Giff manages to make the reader a part of her search for information about her paternal grandmother who died before Giff was born, and through the search, she shares so much of her life and her memories of her family, especially her maternal grandmother, for whom this book was named. Her maternal grandmother, Anna, was a hoot, full of stories and laughter. The stories, though, might not have always been up to snuff to have been approved of by Anna's daughters (Giff's mother and aunts) and so before all her more interesting stories, she would always tell Giff, "Don't tell the girls...," referring to her Anna's daughters.

Reading of the many years process that Giff went through to learn about her grandmother was interesting and inspiring. She went from a lie about the historical origins of how her father's family reached the United States, to the much sadder truth and the physical proof of her family's life in Ireland by discovering the over 400 year old house they had lived in. I find her tenacity impressive. She spent years searching through the microfilm of hundreds, if not thousands, of ships' passenger records trying to find proof that her great-grandfather did in fact come over years before the rest of his family to make money and send it home to Ireland to pay for the voyage for his wife and twelve children. Finally, Giff goes to Ireland to search in the records there, and after another grueling search, learns the truth. Her great-grandfather had been a gambler and when her great-grandmother had had enough, she sold all the family's possessions and took her children to the United States. Giff's great-grandfather had never sailed before them, with them, or after them. Giff couldn't find his passenger information because it didn't exist. However, she was not discouraged; this was an answer that she had been looking for most of her life.

The idea of searching for your family history has always been a bit interesting to me. I always dreaded the typical family tree assignment that every student gets assigned at least once in school. My maternal grandmother was adopted and doesn't often like to talk about her family history (adopted or biological), my paternal family has always been a bit of a mystery to me as I never really was around that side of the family, and my biological maternal grandfather died before I was born. I do get some family history from my grandmother's second husband, my grandfather in my opinion, but in good Texas tradition, his family history is something he's always remembered orally and I've never felt the need to find out too much more. However, there is one bit of information I always wish I knew more about so maybe I do understand it a little.

Despite my lack of curiosity about family history, I was really able to relate to this book in that the author's stories of of maternal grandmother reminded me so much of mine. My grandmother didn't say, "Don't tell the girls..." but she did and does say "Don't tell you mother..." She has always whispered stories in my ear and is forever and always trying to clean my closet, and God help her, get me organized, just like Giff's Nana always was. To my knowledge, my grandmother has never actually tried to change her name as Anna did (to the much more exciting Princess Anne V., V for maybe Veronica, but she just liked how the V. looked).  But my grandmother has as long as I can remember never really liked her name. It's a boy's name, she'd say. And as yet another piece of junk mail is addressed to Mr. Johnnie, I think I can understand her point.

All in all, I found the story both enjoyable, relatable, and inspiring. And I would highly recommend it to anyone.